Overheard

Davey, in another room: Honey? Can you help me with the kids? I am sooooo sleepy.

Me: Nope, sorry, I have some work to do, just let them watch Sesame Street.

Davey: No way! I don't want them watching too much t.v.

Me: Whatevs dude. Your choice. I am working.

Goldie: Read me the book about Elmo's lost blankie AGAIN Daddy!

Davey: ZZZZzzzz. Oh. Crap. I fell asleep. Ok, you win, Sesame Street it will be.

Me: They don't call it an electronic babysitter for nothing, yo.

Davey: ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

Goldie and Ruby: *silence*

Quote of the day

The first thing that Goldie said to me when she woke up this morning: "Sometimes Daddy toots. Sometimes he toots in my room."

I was hoping that she would be much older when she figured this out. Davey? The jig is up.

An Open Letter

Dear guy who doesn't supervise his child,

Hi. You don't know me. I'll bet you don't get many letters from women, mostly because you are a douche bag. If it sounds like I am being a bit harsh on you, then let me use that as an opener to say that your son was a bit harsh on my child in the coffee shop playroom today. What was that? You had no idea? Of course you didn't because YOU WERE SEVERAL ROOMS AWAY PLAYING PINBALL ON THE INTERNET DRINKING SOME KIND OF DOUCHEY FAUX COFFEE.

I also want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to discipline you child after he PINCHED, GRABBED and SHOVED THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE. I was just thinking the other day that I have a lack of child discipline opportunities in my life. THANK YOU, ASSWIPE.

I hope you will someday reap the fruits of your excellent parenting. It would appear that your son is on target to follow in your footsteps, he is kind of a douche bag too.

You must be proud.

In case you were wondering.....

Just in case you were wondering, why yes, yes that was nipple cream that I was wearing as lip gloss to girls night out at Applebees the other night. Thanks for asking.

Commit to Memory

For all of the mundane tasks that motherhood brings, today my girls have given me so many reminders as to why they are the center of my world. I picked up a screaming Roob and predictably, she quieted and put her head on my shoulder. She popped her little head up and smiled at me before giving me the wettest, gooiest, most heartfelt kiss I ever received. Not to be outdone, Goldie ran up and started kissing my legs. The three of us stood there near the dining room table for a few moments just kissing and hugging and silently confirming the bond we have as The Girls.

A few hours later I was nursing Roob before her nap and she fell asleep. I moved her so she could rest and I realized that maybe this would be the last time that my baby-not-so-much-anymore might fall asleep on my chest. I soaked it all in. Her sleepy, heavy body breathing softly into my face with her string cheese breath and you know what? I thought I was in heaven.

I love this life.

Boring

This blog is unusually quiet these days because even if I used all of my clever words and strung them together in a strategic and well thought out way, the boringness of the daily grind would seem even more boring than it actually is. Not crappy, just not interesting. If I would have written for the past few days it would have went like this:

• I woke up today and fed the girls. Then I went grocery shopping. The end.

Do you really want to read that? That's what I thought.

Also, I am on a mission to find vegetables that someone with 6 teeth and and a bad attitude can eat with with their fingers because she is too grown up to be fed by her dorky parents. I gave Roob a green bean the other day and she actually punched me in the face. Peas were met leerily, but without violence. Goldie is like a garbage disposal and eats everything not nailed down so I am unprepared for this. What vegetables do your kids like?

Bits

The Toys R Us across town is closing for remodel and all of the toys are 40% off. Do you know what that means? That clearly means that we went into the store and lost our damned minds and now have Christmas and birthdays covered until they are in their 30's. I seriously hope that Goldie with have plastic play food on her list in 2035, but seriously, don't tell her, I don't want to ruin the surprise.

We had an awesome playdate at our house this week. There were 6 little girls here eating dino-nuggets that marginally qualify as food. Then we fed them cake and gossiped. The three potty trained big girls lined up in the bathroom to go poop one by one and after Goldie went she stuck her face into the toilet and told everyone that IT'S A BIG ONE! and then came to find me in the kitchen without any pants with a wet wipe in her hands and bent over. Her friend Belle was not convinced that it WAS REALLY BIG! so she too went into the potty, stuck her face in the toilet and checked it out.

At what age do they become civilized?