2nd wind

pregnancy

Today was my first day back on 8 hour days, it is amazing the difference that 3 hours make! I mean, when am I supposed to nap and eat brownies? So I have settled in for an evening of domesticity with Davey, I am washing clothes and blogging and he is folding them. We had a super-high class appetizer of Maui Onion Chips and I believe we will be serving cheese and onion hot dogs for the main course with a dessert of leftover peanut butter pie. Too lazy for vegetables, unless relish counts. Then we are going to attempt some adult alone time as the inlaws have left the building.

My feet are still scary swollen. But since my face isn't, my doctor doesn't give 2 shits. Bummer. When I spoke to the nurse today though, she did indicate that although it doesn't mean I am high risk, I might get reduced work hours since I have a desk job which would be the coolest thing ever. C'mon doc! Put me on half days....I triple dog dare you!

Have you people played spider solitaire? Holy crap, this game is fun! We now have a family competition for high score. Did I mention that we are lame?

Pooped

Wow, what a weekend! We still have the inlaws here, but yesterday we had an open house from 12-8 and I think about 60 people came. Now thats a big day! It was great though, we had an awesome spread, pulled pork BBQ, beans, rice and potato salads, veggies, all the dessert we could handle.....The only bad news is the feet swelling. It is getting so bad some days they turn purple and the swelling goes up my whole leg. I hope that they don't do it today again because we have another baby shower! I can't believe that we have so many wonderful friends who are spoiling us absolutely rotten! I am so exhausted, but I am having so much fun I don't care!

Inlaw insanity and meet the Davey

Actually it isn't bad, I just like the title of the post. The inlaws have invaded Chez Kirsten and Davey. Luckily they are very sweet people, I am just not used to being a hostess and having to wear pajamas so I can urinate on the hour in the night. So far so good, they are very good houseguests. The house is getting cleaned bit by bit too(thanks Davey).

On a blogging note, Davey has asked to participate in this blog. I told him cool, so go ahead and welcome him when he starts posting. Did I ever mention that Davey is 24 years older than me and that this is his first marriage and baby? He is also probably the kindest, gentlest soul I have ever known and am so in love with him it hurts. Anyway, I am sure you will enjoy him as well as you get to know him, he will give a new perspective to the blog.

Shirts are still getting shorter here people. Beautiful obscenely large wedding trinket is beginning to cut off circulation to the fingers, but I love it so and it means so much I haven't yet removed it. Has anyone else had to take off their ring? I am thinking about putting my band on a chain....any ideas?

Randomness and time to study my navel

It seems like folks can relate to my clothing quandry!It feels so good not to be alone. I may have to hit the motherhood outlet today.

We are having a BBQ on Sat. My in-laws are coming to stay with us for the first time. We advertised the BBQ as an open house. So what am I concerned about? Although darling husband took the week off last week, worked his butt off and accomplished major tasks, THE HOUSE HASN'T BEEN CLEANED. Like maybe ever. Shit. So last night I suggested that since we are having FIFTY freaking people over, maybe we should clean. Or at least hire someone to clean. So I think that operation scrub-our-filthy-domicile begins. Wish us luck.

On the belly-button watch. I still have an innie, although it is slowly flipping outward. I never imagined how soft and delicate that skin would be inside the belly button. But I guess when you think about it, that skin hasn't been handled since the day I was born. facinating.

Muu-Muus anyone? Another clothing gripe

So even my preggo pants officially don't fit right anymore. I had heard about the panty rollerblind effect, but now my lower back/hips/butt are too wide at one point, and so above a certain point the pants fit, but below they don't and I can't keep them up! This is so frustrating because I don't want to buy any more pants, especially when i think I will have the same problem! I think I need a muu-muu. Seriously. I can't believe I have sunk so low, but it seems only my husbands boxers and a huge t-shirt are comfortable at this point. And it isn't like I am that close to giving birth! I still have 6+ weeks to go! YIKES!

Father's Day Purge

This is certain to be a long and depressing post. I am having a bit of a breakdown this morning. I woke up not realizing what today is. I went to run some errands and heard on the radio that it is father's day and it hit me like a ton of bricks (great momism I think I will continue using with my child as in "if you don't bring home at least a 3.5 I am going to come down on you like a ton of bricks.") but I digress. Today is my first father's day since my dad died.

Last fall on October 8th, my 26th birthday, Davey who was my boyfriend at the time threw me a big party at his house. All of my friends were there and we had a blast. Drinking, eating, dancing and general merriment. I was pretty much shit-canned when I heard my phone ringing at about 10:00 and saw it was my mom, who is never awake at 10:00. I tried to sound sober when I answered and I knew something was wrong. She said that my step-mother had called her (which is even stranger) and that my dad had a minor stroke and was in the hospital. As my father and I have always had a difficult relationship I was more irritated than anything but knew I needed to go to the hospital to check things out. It was amazing to me that Davey heard the conversation, kicked everyone out, started the car and was ready to go before I even got off the phone.

We pulled up to the ER and found my stepmother there and she said that I could go see him. I went in and it was awful. His face was all contorted and his arm was twitching. He couldn't open his eyes but I told him I was there and I told him that I loved him. And he said "I love you too sweetheart." Those were his last words. In that instant he went into a seizure and was pronounced brain dead within 20 min.

He was only 58 years old. He was packing for a backpacking trip when it happened. He wasn't fat. He didn't drink or smoke. He just had a bad vein in his brain.

We had to wait 12 hours for a second opinion. Davey didn't leave my side for even a moment. I called my mother, told her that she had to come, even though she couldn't stand to be in the same room as him. She spent 27 years of her life with him, and he deserved to have her say goodbye. I called our pastor. I sent desperate text messages to all my friends. I went into the ICU and could not believe that this man whom most of the time I despised, yet loved so much, who still had rippeling muscles and a deep tan was going to die.

We finally took him off life support as he was bleeding internally anyway and left. I gave the eulogy, cried for days and tried to sort things out.

The blessing of the whole nightmare is that I really realized that David was the person I wanted to marry. He took the same time off work as I did, not wanting to leave me alone, went through everything with me. Just propped me up. Less than 2 months later we got married and now our baby girl will be born in a few short weeks. My only regret is that Dad never got to meet my husband and will never know his grandaughter. I am grateful for the healing though, my mother is picking me up in awhile to go to the cemetary, something I never thought she would want to do.

As much as we never understood each other. I love you Dad, and I appreciate everything you did to push me to be a successful person. I just hope that I see a part of you in my daughter's eyes.


Something more cheerful later on.

Doubts

I have been thinking about this whole concept of parenthood and I don't know if I am ready. I melted down completely after birth class Monday. I am just weary of this whole pregnancy thing. I wailed like only a gigantic woman full of hormones and sleep deprivation can. I told my husband, "I just want a week off, I don't want to be pregnant, I don't want a baby, I just want to be me one more time before this happens." Of course I didn't mean I don't love and want my baby, I am just weary. I realize that this baby is going to consume my life and things are never going to be the same. Oh well. I hope that it will be wonderful, I think I am just afraid of the unknown.....

Today went pretty well. I am jealous of Davey for having the whole week off but that is ok because he is doing nothing but home improvement. I got word that my laptop won't be here until the 21st so that was a little dissapointing but at least it is coming.

Ok, dear internet friends, I need advice! So my baby is due Aug. 3rd, and one of my dearest friends is getting married 9/3 so I am going to have a tiny baby and be leaking milk and probably still be looking preggo. I am the matron of honor in the wedding and my friend is not understanding the seriousness of how hard it is for me to find a dress. I have NO idea what size I will be. She keeps saying things like "well you can just buy one and keep getting it altered." Um, no. Also, she would like me to wear the same things as the other bridesmaids (size 2's, none of them preggo) What am I going to do?

Could someone explain the exhaustion I feel? I mean, I am in bed by 10, up at 6:30, sleep reasonably well despite 4 trips to the bathroom (thank you Unisom!) and I am falling asleep at my desk by 11 am. Ridiculous! I am happy that I still have until th 24th only working 5 hour days, but what am I going to do after that? I will still have 5 weeks or so full time! YIKES! I guess I will cope, being the super-fly bureaucrat that I am!

In other news, this child is either lodged in a ball under my ribs or I am having contractions. Not sure which. Last night I had the granddaddy of them all getting out of bed for potty #3. It felt like a charlie-horse in my belly. I thought I would die, but am happy to report that I am still alive.

Hoping that my laptop shipped today, would like to be online wirelessly by the weekend.

The Loot!

pregnancy

If you are pregnant and haven't had a shower yet, I highly recommend it! It was really fun! My sis always throws a great party and I can't believe how friggen adorable the gifts were! I really didn't expect this kind of generosity. I did get some diapers too which is really awesome.

The spending spree continues. Maybe this is my version of nesting. The difference is that I seem to be spending money on myself, not on the baby! I suck. I bought a laptop on ebay so soon I will be blogging wirelessly and Davey and I can stop bickering over the computer and I can enjoy the outdoors with my new toy.

I think I am having contractions. I am not exactly sure what they are supposed to feel like, but I get sharp pains accompanied by a feeling like I can't breathe and they last awhile. Anyone know what contractions are supposed to feel like?

It's time for what? Already!?

I thought that baby showers happened much closer to the actual birth than merely 32 weeks into the thing. Oh well, I am having my 1st one today. My sister has invited 15 people and their children to come. Davey is a little nervous because I will be taking his "baby" (aka the minivan) to haul the loot home in. I don't really know what to expect. I hope someone buys us diapers though, because the word on the street is that they are spendy and you know that I will be rationing those suckers out! My theory for baby budgeting: breastfed for 5 years, potty trained by 1! I'll let you know how that works out.

Fatback and boobie issues

So I went to the Chiropractor and I have another 2 weeks of 1/2 days at work! I swear I almost kissed the intern I was so happy! Davey is on his way to pick up the new baby-mobile. I still can't believe that we have a minivan.

So, about 4 months ago I bought a bra in a size 4" and a full cup size bigger than I would normally wear, it was HUGE. My friends and I had a good laugh about it,"C'mon, you'll NEVER fit into that." Well folks, I just decided to put it on, except that oops, it is TOO FRIGGEN SMALL! I can't even close it! What is the deal with the fatback? I would like to blame it on rib-spread but I think I must do more investigating first. Anyone else had this happen? This is not sexy people.

movin' sloooow

So has anyone else started to be unable to get out of chairs easily? Not that it has happened to me or anything. I was just, um, curious.

Birth class is freaky

So, we went to our first birth class last night. Not sure yet if it is a good thing or not since I am already freaked out enough about giving birth and I am not sure if fully understanding what will happen is going to help or not. They showed how the pelvis separates to let the babe out and that was not good. They did show the partners how to massage during labor and I will say that I really dug that.

Went back to the chiro, still only able to work 5 hours a day, which is cool with me, but I have to start wearing a back support which will make me look even hotter in my maternity pants!!

Things I never thought I would do

So, this was a HUGE weekend for us. After finally retiring my old 1989 Tercel with 200k miles last fall in favor of a tricked out turbo Beetle, it has come to my attention that my super-fly mobile is not suitable for babe transport. I wanted a Highlander, or a pacifica, or a Mercedes. But I didn't like the $700 or so a month payments that would entail. So what did we do? Oh yes people, you heard it here first. I bought a mini-van. Holy Crap. A mini-van. I swore my whole life I would never do this to myself. All it hurt was my ego. I don't even know why I feel such a stigma, I am not even going to be driving it much as I kept my cool car and am making Davey drive it. Wow. Motherhood is changing me already I think.

The other cool purchase of the weekend is a super-cool front-loading stacking washer/dryer. I think I can wash my whole wardrobe in one load. I am psyched!!

You mean I am actually supposed to lay down?

pregnancy

So when I went to the chiropractor yesterday and he put me on 1/2 work days until next week I was thinking "YES YES YES! Time to go to the outlets and buy cute summer maternity wear, get the house clean, have long lunches with friends!!YES!" Well, turns out that when I attempted the aforementioned activities when I left my job at noon, the walking through the outlet aggravated the sciatica and I was lucky to drag my big ass home! So I guess the lesson I learned is that they tell you to rest for a reason. I guess my idea of relaxing is slowly changing!

Tommorow a family friend and my own mamacita are coming to help us with the nursery. I am excited to finally get some kind of a vision. We were planning on using a crib someone gave us, but Davey is leary about it's safety qualifications (safety, schmaftey I always say, I mean we were put in shoe boxes on the front seat of the car as babies!) but, in an effort to be a good mother, we are now going to buy a crib in addition to a new mattress to help prevent SIDS (check out http://www.criblife2000.com/ for info on the deal with the mattress) Anyway, I am going to be a good girl and lay down for a spell and be grateful to not be at work.